SH3's Hash Trash

Secession’s BEER MILE 2011

In attendance:  Nantucket Sleighride, Judas, Cockeyed, Drama, 2nd Class Cunt, Handicrapped, NNBronwyn, Church van Gangbang, Bitch Warmer, Butt Nutt

Visitors:  Cream of Sheep, Cover Girl, Mustbang Sally, Fecal Matters, Chipsaho, KBF, PussyPusher, Pay2Lay, Rubba Dub Chub

Virgins:  NNChad, NNSarah

4 beers to chug +4 laps = 1 BEER MILE!

Male Overall Winner:  NNChad, rewarded with a trophy

Female Overall Winner:  NNBronwyn, rewarded with a trophy

DFL:  Cream of Sheep, rewarded with a walker

Lost on trail (how this is EVEN POSSIBLE I do not know):  Handicrapped

SHHH 2nd Annual Red Dress Run

In Attendance: Everyone!!!

Virgins: More than Allah promises are in Heaven, courtesy of Church Van Gangbang

ON-After: Tin Roof

ON-After-After: A nice house in the middle of no where, thanks to Alice in Lickerland
and Twatanic

As always, please forgive this Hasher for the transgressions he is about to write, for he might still be a little drunk from the Hash and can’t remember much right now.

However, trail 53 was a hot one! Not only because of all the hot red dresses that where being proudly displayed by the guys and girls alike, but also because the temperature in the Vista happened to be a scorching 102 degrees. Wanting to try and beat the heat like a red headed step child, we quickly convened the opening circle to the 2nd Annual Red Dress Run, explained the trail marking to our virgins-o-plenty and then headed off to
meet our hares at the first of many bars that so tenderly decided to allow 50 plus red dress wearing wankers to visit their establishments.

We cooled off a bit from the sweltering heat at the Wild Hare, by having a few beers and for some of the more daring in the group:  a brief squat in their ice cold kiddie pool, that was kindly already set up in advance to our arrival. That is until an impromptu water
balloon fight took place inside the Wild Hare, at which point we left to seek out our next oasis from the summer heat.

Our hares so kindly decided that our next stop for this group of wankers, all in red dresses, would be The Big Ugly. There we all had a few beers, some laughs (some were with us and some were at us) and generally a good time was had by all. From The Big Ugly we went to get our two year deep traditional photo shoot standing on the steps of the state capitol building.

Having taken all the photos that we could do without getting arrested for indecency, we left the state house to visit a bar called PTs 1109, the one and only Gentleman’s Gentleman’s club on the trail to have an elevated dance platform.  This enabled some of our hashers to show off their fairly drunk dance moves, some for better and some for worse.  After the dancing we tossed with a few rounds of Lemon Drops donated by the Peach Fuzz Hashers that were present. Now it was time to head out to get some adult beverages of the slushy kind from Wet Willies.

At Wet Willies it was decided that the upstairs area will be perfect for the closing circle . This is most likely due to the fact that they have air  conditioning and frozen drinks to help stem the tide of the heat outside. With that the virgins were ousted once again and the hares got the usual Shitty Trail rating. Then it was off to the ON-After at the Tin Roof for some and straight to the ON-After-After for others.

With that being said, I am still a bit hung over from last night, so it is time to move on to the next SHHH trail. Until then my fellow hasher, “may the Hash go in peace, may the Hash get a piece”.

On-On!
2nd Class Cunt

In Attendance: Nantucket Sleigh Ride, Bitch Warmer, Alice in Lickerland, Twatanic, 250cc of Semen, Always Fucking Nasty, Cums and Runs, 2nd Class Cunt, Drama Queen Bitch, NNChris, Danny Bonadouchebag, and who ever else was there but I can not remember your name.

Virgins: NNBubba, Drama’s virgins from the NE Columbia bar scene

ON-After: Carolina Wings & Rib House

This trail is brought to you by: Bitch Warmer and Nantucket Sleigh Ride, but mostly by Bitch Warmer. That is according to Nantucket. However everyone knows by his own admission that Nantucket lies, so this trail might have been more Nantucket than we were led to believe.

As always, please forgive this Hasher for the transgressions he is about to write, for he knows not what he is doing nor is he a literary or lyrical master.

Today’s trail started all the way out in the BFE of Columbia, which is also known as Blythewood. It was a cool 85 degrees outside; while we were waiting for the circle to start and most of the hashers were still complaining that is was still too hot out and we are talking Fahrenheit here not that stupid Celsius crap either. WE are in Columbia for Heaven’s Sake, 85 degree weather is when most of us have on pants. After the late as usual starting, likely just to hear the hashers complain more about the not so hot weather.
We started the opening circle of the 52nd trail for the SHHH. Due to this being a run of the mill trail with no theme and for no other reason except to watch someone new to the Hash sweat and not due to the heat, we let someone who took a year off of hashing since he moved here to join us, and has supposedly never seen a Hare Blessing, bless our hares. Needless to say our newly acquainted with Hasher Danny Bonadouchebag, blessing was pretty awful and was in need of assistance by some of our upstanding circle members.
After the blessing the hares were shooed away, so the rest of the pack could explain how we all got our hash names.

On-On to trail and to the first of supposedly two beer stops. Our hares took us for a nice tour around the backside of Bitch Warmers apartment complex and to the main road. While in the hunt for this elusive nectar of the god’s our always dramatic queen, Drama Queen Bitch decided to battle it out with an angry wasp. In the mean time, our friend from the Deep South NNBubba, found some pornographic periodicals and a DVD in the ditch of the road.
We found out later that NNBubba decided to keep the porn DVD, for future use.

After our first beer stop, the trail to the second beer stop was never found. However what was found was the trail back to the closing circle. Apparently every single member of the pack missed the markings for the second beer stop, which is very hard to believe. As we tend to take our love for beer very seriously and will hunt it down like a bloodhound hunts for an escaped convict. However the hares insist that it was there, and marked boldly, so that everyone could find it. Needless to say they were well accused of not having a second beer stop in circle. The only trail violations that happened were due to Drama Queen Bitch’s virgins and she drank heavily for it. The On-After was held at the local Carolina Wings and Ale House, where some food was eaten and not much else.

With this being said, I am tired of writing and you are tired of reading my dribble. If not you might “have some serious issues that you need to drink out”. So it is time to move on to the next SHHH trail. Until then my fellow hasher, “may the Hash go in peace, may the Hash get a piece”.

ON-ON!
2nd Class Cunt

The Deja Vu Hash

Hares:  Judas and Nantucket Sleighride

In attendance:  Drama, Cockeyed, Rub a Dub Chub, Snowball Angel, Fetal Position, NN Kevin (Virgin)

Today’s trail was a do over from SHHH #13  when we were snowed out and driven back by the cold.  Driven straight to the pub, but driven off of trail nonetheless…but I digress.  Judas and Nantucket started Round #2 at the Polo Fields in Northeast Columbia.  After an interesting chalk talk (including the phrase…’disregard all flour markings’…yes that actually happened) the hares stayed back and let the pack take off into the woods.  We quickly realized why we should disregard flour markings as it seems that someone had scouted the same area earlier in the day and had laid a flour trail on top of their trail…interesting, very interesting.  But, we continued on.  Through the shiggy, across the stream, past the homeless camp, up the hill, over the fallen trees…to the first beer stop…hooray!  The hares eventually caught up with us, and we all settled in for some PBR and a story.  =)  Everyone went around and explained their hash names to NNKevin – and as always – no explanation was needed when it got to be DQB’s turn.  Why is that I wonder?  =)

We set off again deeper into the woods beyond Polo and came to a fork in the road.  Rub-a-dub shot off into the distance in one direction, Fetal and Snowball in the other, and Cockeyed, Drama, and NNKevin hung back to assess the situation.  Unfortunately for the slow members of the group, both directions seemed to converge at the second beer stop…so off we went.  Cockeyed and Drama once again found empty liquor bottles on trail (we swear they were there when we arrived) and had an impromptu photo session.  NNKevin helped the ladies over the hill and we all grabbed several beers and sat down for Beer Stop #2.  NNKevin provided us with a very accurate depiction of how his dog reacts when he comes home from work.  Needless to say…that image will haunt us forever.  After we polished off the remaining drinks we worked our way back to the start.  Due to the large number of families inhabiting the polo fields in the late afternoon, we moved circle to a less traveled part of the park.  Violations were announced, songs were sung, and virgins were demoralized.

We adjourned to the Puddlin’ Duck for some Irish Whiskey and Magner’s. 

So let it be said, So let it be written.

ON-ON  DRAMA

Hash Trash #14– Valentine’s Hash

Hares:  Okie and Drama

In Attendance:  Nantucket Sleighride, Delivery Boy, NNMark, NNKamilo

Visitors:        

            From Korea:  Flacido Piaso a.k.a. Ready Whipped

            From Carolina Trashers:  Chicken Fucker

Okie and Drama pre-laid a WONDERFUL trail full of shiggy, swamps, two beer stops and a free-for-all slide down a snow covered hill.  Sadly, the hounds had other ideas.  After the hares left to go prepare the potluck dinner, the hounds made it about 50 yards before they were up to their knees in ice cold Carolina swamp water (not part of the trail mind you).  Then they made it about 100 yards in before they found the tail end of the trail and wound their way back to Okie’s house.  And in such a remarkably short amount of time, we lost a hasher along the way.

In attempt to find Delivery Boy, Drama and Chicken Fucker set out to re-hash the trail and pick up the beer that had yet to be found.  After everyone had made it back and the beer had been recovered Circle was held in Okie’s garage. 

NNMark was called into circle for naming and then made to strip down and make a snow angel in Okie’s yard.  He was given the opportunity to go to the backyard…but fearless as ever, he opted to give the neighbors an unobstructed view of his half-naked angel making skills.

After having him sit in the snow bare-assed while we went through his possible names…we finally cut him a break and announced his new hash name.  Forevermore NNMark will be known throughout the hash world as:  SNOWBALL ANGEL.  Part sex act, part innocent fun…and frankly that sums up NNMark pretty well. 

So let it be said,

So let it be written.

ON-ON…DRAMA

Hash Trash – Hangover Hash

Hare:  Smooth Groove

 In Attendance:  Drama, PussyPusher, Rubba Dub Chub, Okie, Mama a Trois, and Nantucket Sleighride.

Smoothie started our hangover hash in the sunset strip parking lot off of Main Street in Downtown Columbia.  After assuring us that the homeless contingency was at a minimum she set off into the cold, cold January afternoon.

After barely making up the hills of a deceivingly level looking neighborhood we huffed and puffed through the park and found the beer stop down near the banks of the creek.  Coincidentally this is where RubbaDub used to park his van with ‘Free Candy’ scrawled on the side of it.

After finding our way out of the park, the group split up and headed in what we thought was the right direction.  PP found a previous real estate listing that still had his sign on it…and proceeding to tear it to shreds.  He is surprisingly strong for such a slender man….just sayin’.

After we all made it back to the start we left for Carolina Ale House to have dinner and impromptu circle while we thawed out. 

 So let it be said,

So let it be written.

ON-ON…DRAMA

Hash Trash – Festivus for the Rest of Us
Hare: Beaver Got Dam

In Attendance: Drama, Nantucket, Okie, Cockeyed, Judas, Smooth Groove, Wandering Jew, NN Kelsey, NN Emily, NN Randon
Late Arrival: Fetal Position
Beaver set off into the backwoods of Dalzell, SC to lead the hounds through a Deliverance themed hash trail.

Hash Trash – Hash’oween ‘09
Hares: Cockeyed, Drama Queen Bitch, Judas

In attendance:
Nantucket Sleighride dressed as Finger Me
Delivery Boy dressed as a Peace Corps worker
Smooth Groove dressed as a Football Fan (GO COCKS!)
Badge Bunny dressed as a Prisoner
Mama a Trois dressed as a better looking Prisoner
Fetal Position dressed as a Priest
Drama Queen Bitch dressed as Minnie Mouse (the hooker years)
Cockeyed dressed as a Witch
Judas dressed as a blow up Hula Girl
Okie Pokey No Smokey dressed as a Bar Patron
No Name Bonnie dressed as a Matador
Virgin James dressed as a Green Beret
Virgin Lucas dressed as Philip J. Frye
Bladder Splatter dressed as a Janitor
Virgin Jason dressed as a Bar Patron
Virgin Mandy dressed as ‘Jonesy’
Virgin Amanda dressed as a Bar Patron
Cums and Runs dressed as a Swashbuckling Pirate
Veggie Tail dressed as a Fairy

Secession’s first ever pub crawl began at the Green Valley Park in Five Points. Two of the three hares arrived on time…but Drama arrived in the beer truck eventually, so all was good. Opening circle was short and sweet and the hares were off to the first beer stop. Trail led the hounds straight to The Library and a round of shots were waiting! After a bit of socializing the pack made their way down to Chubby’s 2×4 for the second stop. The bartender sucked so our time there was short. I would have thought a pack of 20 costumed hashers prepared to spend money in your establishment would be a good thing…but I guess not. Our third stop was supposed to be at Sharky’s but the stoned bartender from earlier in the week was clueless as to the bar hours so the hares improvised and moved the stop to Bar None. After some more drinks and merriment the pack finally found their way to the final beer stop at Jake’s. We grabbed our drinks and proceeded to take over the back porch. Judas and Cockeyed tried to teach us a new hash song…but alas, we are hashers and we have small attention spans.

Closing circle was back at the start and our Guest RA, Bladder Splatter, assumed his position on the picnic table. Violations were announced, drinks were drunk, and fun was had. (Sorry Trash is so short…the football game is on!)

So let it be said…So let it be written!
ON-ON…DRAMA

THE JEW HASH

After the ubiquitously-late Nantucket Sleighride and Smooth Groove arrived, SHHH festivities commenced. Opening circle highlights included our Grand Mistress Drama introducing the virgin hare, Cocky, and Cocky giving a short n’ sweet chalk-talk in which he explained that the squiggly lines were Hebrew translations of standard hash marks (this was, after all, the Jew Hash). Next the virgins were introduced: Okie Smokie No Pokie brought a friend from the Tree of Life synagogue, No Name Kelsey, and Drama Queen Bitch brought No Name Mark. Drama also shared responsibility for making No Name Bonnie come with No Name Springs: they apparently got her to come together! Our new Religious Advisor, Nantucket Sleighride, blessed the hare and sent him trotting off into the distance covered in flour. After the customary “12 and 3″, in which everyone snacked on Delivery Boy’s boiled peanuts, the pack was off!

Our motley crew assembled this cool(er) Saturday afternoon in the east parking lot of the Crestmont Apartments in Harbison, Columbia. Correction: everyone assembled with the exception of Nantucket Sleighride, who managed to get lost en route to the start-location despite having given other hashers directions there in the past…

In Attendance:  Beaver Got Dam, No Name Springs, Nantucket Sleighride, Smooth Groove, Delivery Boy, Poop Weiner, and Any Cock’ll Do Me. Drama Queen Bitch and Fetal Position (live trail). 

Once Nantucket arrived, our pack milled around Beaver Got Dam’s truck (because the beer was there), shooting the breeze and laughing at more of Fetal Position’s ridunculous stories of drunkenness, debauchery, and more drunken debauchery. Chalk talk was led soon thereafter by Drama Queen Bitch, then the hares were off and the rest of us returned to loitering.